undone.

  

You feel choked 

You feel like your heart cannot fathom the thought of

One

More 

Beat

You feel your whole world spinning 

Constellations falling out of the skies 

Waters rising from their oceans, trees collapsing starved with famished roots 

Chaos 

Chaos 

Disaster 

You feel like there are a million blades running across your skin you feel like one more goodbye, one more betrayal one more disappointment might be the end of you 

Tears

Welling 

Swelling 

You feel unheard, uncared for, unaccounted for, un-cherished unloved undermined underrated unimportant 

Undone 

You 

Just 

Might come undone. And all the threads that are holding you together are being violently slashed until you have nothing left to do but to reach into your chest and rip your heart out

But 

You 

Can’t 

And so you reach for that bottle, you reach for that needle you reach for that drug, you reach for that gun, that knife, that rope to make it all end 

But ending you 

Ending you means ending a legacy 

Ending you means everything that you fought so hard against won

Ending you means ending a queen 

A king. You have people to lead 

You have people who want to lead you. A Nation of survivors to build

Try 

Just try 

One more time 

Then another 

Your weakness is not a weakness

And you will find someone or two or three who will reach out and touch everything you thought no one else could see. They will solve your riddles they will paint your sky with stars again they will love you until the pain is not only quiet… But no longer defines you. And you will love you too. Again. Wholly. Forgive yourself and live.
Live for this day

Live for the day when you can look the devil in the face and say

Hey 

Won 

—————

I had to include this piece below by a friend because I think it is something people need to know, especially since African culture sees suicide as such a taboo. 

* A note on suicide, by Charmaine Moja. 

Every day, an estimated 21 South Africans commit suicide.
According to the WHO, a suicide occurs every 40 seconds and an attempt is made every 3 seconds.

Before you make your judgement, have you ever stopped to think? To educate yourself? Try to understand what it really means?
By the time you read this sentence, at least one person tried to take their own life. At least one person felt desperate enough to choose death over the pain they were experiencing in their life. By the time you finish reading this post, at least one person died by their own hand. Can you imagine the level of pain and desperation it must take, not only to opt for death, but to do so by your own hand?
In the case of a suicide, the biggest killer isn’t the person who took their own life, it’s pain. Suicide is one of the most desperate attempts at crying out for help.

We can all argue about the act of suicide and whether it is right or wrong. At the same time, who am I to say what’s right or wrong? Who are you to say? That isn’t the point of this post. What is important is that we begin to realise that it is a desperate attempt (good or bad- however you see it is based on your reality and, irrespective of what your views may be, I’ll respect that) at ending a painful cycle.
As Judy Collins said, “I think suicide is sort of like cancer was 50 years ago. People don’t want to talk about it, they don’t want to know about it. People are frightened of it, and they don’t understand, when actually these issues are medically treatable.” Break the cycle. Break the silence. It’s never too late.

monsters.

  
Monsters are people

Who are loved by someone 

that they don’t love back

Yet hoard their affection 

Dry them out of hope and trust 

Then let them go
Monsters are people 

Who are loved by someone 

They don’t love back 

But are scared of being alone 

So they hurt them, emotionally 

And sometimes physically 

And convince them no one could ever love them 
Monsters are people 

Who watch someone 

Love a person who does not love them back 

And say nothing

Keep silent 

And watch them fade from being something ….into a broken nothing. 

lonliness.

 
 There is a sort of freedom , a joyous childlike unbounded sense of life that comes from letting go of everything you thought you needed. 
Being alone. Unsurrounded by props and spirits of people you thought you knew. 
Just you. And your terrifying fears that no longer seem so terrifying. 
The possibility of peace, understanding and self expanding curiosity 
This is the greatest kind of loneliness 

heart.

  

My heart …it is strange

There are times it is completely still 

Silent and disinterested

It almost feels untouchable as if it is not even a part of me 

And then. Without warning. It opens, and overflows

With all the things I was so certain I didn’t feel 

And then it becomes all of me