You feel choked
You feel like your heart cannot fathom the thought of
You feel your whole world spinning
Constellations falling out of the skies
Waters rising from their oceans, trees collapsing starved with famished roots
You feel like there are a million blades running across your skin you feel like one more goodbye, one more betrayal one more disappointment might be the end of you
You feel unheard, uncared for, unaccounted for, un-cherished unloved undermined underrated unimportant
Might come undone. And all the threads that are holding you together are being violently slashed until you have nothing left to do but to reach into your chest and rip your heart out
And so you reach for that bottle, you reach for that needle you reach for that drug, you reach for that gun, that knife, that rope to make it all end
But ending you
Ending you means ending a legacy
Ending you means everything that you fought so hard against won
Ending you means ending a queen
A king. You have people to lead
You have people who want to lead you. A Nation of survivors to build
One more time
Your weakness is not a weakness
And you will find someone or two or three who will reach out and touch everything you thought no one else could see. They will solve your riddles they will paint your sky with stars again they will love you until the pain is not only quiet… But no longer defines you. And you will love you too. Again. Wholly. Forgive yourself and live.
Live for this day
Live for the day when you can look the devil in the face and say
I had to include this piece below by a friend because I think it is something people need to know, especially since African culture sees suicide as such a taboo.
* A note on suicide, by Charmaine Moja.
Every day, an estimated 21 South Africans commit suicide.
According to the WHO, a suicide occurs every 40 seconds and an attempt is made every 3 seconds.
Before you make your judgement, have you ever stopped to think? To educate yourself? Try to understand what it really means?
By the time you read this sentence, at least one person tried to take their own life. At least one person felt desperate enough to choose death over the pain they were experiencing in their life. By the time you finish reading this post, at least one person died by their own hand. Can you imagine the level of pain and desperation it must take, not only to opt for death, but to do so by your own hand?
In the case of a suicide, the biggest killer isn’t the person who took their own life, it’s pain. Suicide is one of the most desperate attempts at crying out for help.
We can all argue about the act of suicide and whether it is right or wrong. At the same time, who am I to say what’s right or wrong? Who are you to say? That isn’t the point of this post. What is important is that we begin to realise that it is a desperate attempt (good or bad- however you see it is based on your reality and, irrespective of what your views may be, I’ll respect that) at ending a painful cycle.
As Judy Collins said, “I think suicide is sort of like cancer was 50 years ago. People don’t want to talk about it, they don’t want to know about it. People are frightened of it, and they don’t understand, when actually these issues are medically treatable.” Break the cycle. Break the silence. It’s never too late.